Seeing the light from an unexpected source

Aside from what I would consider to be mild bullying or teasing as a kid, I managed to escape the obstacle course that is childhood and adolescence mostly unscathed. There was, of course, a mean girl that wanted to fight me after school for some now long forgotten reason. My parents, who weren’t exactly small humans, showed up to school with me for a teacher conference to make sure students and teachers alike knew I had a support system that wouldn’t tolerate violence towards me.

Amidst the threats there was teasing. Some of it didn’t bother me and some of it left scars–we all know how mean children can be. In the first few decades of my life, I felt blessed that I had suffered very little.

Until my mom died when I was 28.

Our family fractured. We lost connections we’d built together. I had to travel back to my childhood room and clean out the place that I had been told would always be waiting for me. I had to hold not only my grief, but the grief of a community that was also reeling from the loss of my mother.

It was grief that introduced me to suffering. Enduring teasing as a child chipped away at me, but grief cracked me wide open.

But I learned that we serve a God who makes good use of whatever we give Him. Whether we surrender our joy and happiness or unburden our pain and suffering, He puts it all to good use.

That massive hole that suffering created became the space that allowed a shaft of God’s light to shine on and warm my broken heart. A light I didn’t know I’d ever see again. But through grief, that light shone until I remembered it was my job to share it with others.

Over time that hole of grief became a deep well of love, understanding, and grace that I could draw from to share with my fellow broken humans, those under my leadership in ministry, and my family members who were suffering too.

Only God can use the depths of our struggles to light our way forward because darkness is as light to Him.

There is an old choir anthem the church I grew up in used to sing. The lyrics are, “If you can use anything, Lord, you can use me.” God can indeed put anything and anyone to His good use. He can use you, your suffering, and your circumstances.

What do you have in your life that you can turn over to God for His use? Where there are holes, let Him shine light into the darkness. Let Him create deep wells of love and deep understanding for you to draw from. Where there is pain let Him provide purpose, where there are scars let Him create a testimony.